aveyond · rhen's quest

Aveyond Character Arc Appreciation

You know whose arc gets me every time?

Dameon’s. Dameon Maurva’s arc is so beautiful and significant and affects not only himself but multiple other characters and also the entire heckin plot of the game and it moves me Every. Single. Time.

So I’m going to rant  about it, welcome to the post I’ve been waiting to make for fourteen years.

First of all, this precious sun, this dear one, this absolute angel, was most likely raised mainly by an Ahriman sympathizer– like, c’mon, am I supposed to believe Talia kept a child in the dream realm? Even without the nightmares it’s dangerous, and very isolated. If something were to happen there would be nowhere she could send Dameon while she dealt with it. It’s one thing in fanfiction, but when I actually consider the logistics, either she was a truly terrible, irresponsible parent, or Dameon lived in Aveyond with his father. I’ve played Ahriman’s Prophecy; responsibility is Talia’s middle name. Dameon was raised in Aveyond.

He has to have been a lonely child. He most likely had no human friends, and definitely none his age. Maybe the binis or fairies or sometimes Vata babysat him when Mr. Maurva was unavailable. Maybe not. Either way, such contact couldn’t replace his need for love and validation from his incredibly busy and important parents.

He probably constantly sought his parents’ approval and was constantly falling short because how do you impress an immortal sun priest, millenia old and the last of his kind? Especially one who is apparently becoming disenchanted with the ideals he once fought for, the ideals his fellow priests died for. How do you impress a half-fairy who saved the world at the tender age of 17, who then became the Guardian of Dreams and is responsible for the safety and well being of every mortal creature? Especially! When! You only see them when they’re not busy keeping the universe running smoothly!

Furthermore. 

Please understand that I love Talia and do not wish to vilify her in any way. I point out her flaws because I love her, because her shortcomings are so human and tragic and are part of what make the story as impactful as it is. And Talia… does not easily express affection. She is not likely to have cuddled Dameon during the times his father took him to the Dreamworld– which just can’t have been often, I just can’t imagine a parent who even kind of cared about their child taking them to such a place frequently. She is not likely to have praised him or spent any notable amount of time showing interest in his interests. I do not say this to condemn her. She had a lot of responsibilities. She had never been a mother before– and yes, she had a great example of motherhood in her Grandmama, but her own mother also left her in the care of others, abandoned her to pursue a louder call. Is it any wonder that she ultimately did the same to her own child?

She has no real relationship with Dameon. Even without all the evidence I have already laid out, this much is obvious in the way they speak to and about each other. Talia doesn’t even mention Dameon is her son when she first tells Rhen about him. She gives him no more than an epithet, “Dameon, the sun priest.” She does not express particular concern over his safety, even though she knows the druids are in danger and she herself was almost killed. 

And Dameon calls her “mother,” and it is not because of the dialogue style of the game. Talia calls her parental figure “Grandmama.” Rhen calls Tailor “Pa” and “Daddy,” and Ma is known only as “Ma.” But Dameon calls Talia “Mother,” and his father “Father,” because that is the level of familiarity between them. The Maurvas live a strict, solitary life. Is it any wonder that Dameon is stiff and formal at the beginning? Is it any wonder he struggles to connect with others beyond a thoughtful compliment or an antiquated form of greeting? He doesn’t like himself, let alone trust himself. No one has ever taught him how to. He is so isolated, and lonely, and touch-starved, and unloved, and if that was the end of his character it would still move me. But there is more.

Talia literally killed his father, her own husband. It had to have happened when Dameon was still very young. If you take into account Devin’s apparent age, and the fact that a barely-aged Jack in av2 remembers Alicia as queen of Thais when we know that you can only ascend to the throne of Thais if you are married, and a few other details which I would be happy to pull up if anyone is interested, you will realize that Dameon can’t possibly be more than a year older than Rhen. More likely, he is younger, and this would be in line with the other canon ships we see throughout the Aveyond series.

 And we found out in Rhen’s Quest that his father was murdered “many years ago.” MANY! YEARS! He was still a child, maybe 11 years old, at my best guess. He most likely hadn’t even attended a magic school yet. It’s possible he wasn’t even thinking about it. And then he had to take the position as Druid of Light. When he was a child, still mourning the death of the person most precious to him, at the hands of the only other person he could have had any semblance of a relationship with in all of Aia.

The people who were supposed to be teaching Dameon how to be gentle, loyal, and upright instead taught him how to hurt, and betray, and murder those closest to him. Even without Ahriman’s influence, how is a child raised in that environment supposed to turn out healthy and good? 

And yet he is still good! He is gentle and thoughtful towards not just Rhen but everyone he meets on the quest. That includes heckin MAD MARGE if you forgot. That includes an actual ogre. That includes people who are spiteful and dismissive towards him. He treats Rhen like she outranks him, the Guardian of the Sun, when she is still a peasant with a practice sword. He is kind to literally everyone except Talia, and he is at least respectful even to her. He never raises his voice at her. He never calls her anything except Mother. Never traitor, never murderer, never any of the curses we know Amanda had no qualms about using because she used them plenty in AP. Just Mother. 

In fact he appears to be the reason Ahriman decided against killing Talia. Yes, Dameon wants justice for his murdered father. I think anyone who is being honest with themselves can admit they would, too. But he doesn’t want to kill her. He doesn’t want her to die. He just wants her to understand what she did, to understand the hurt she caused. He is apparently so against killing her that Ahriman has to change his carefully laid plans before he can convince Dameon to change sides.

And consider. During all of this, Dameon is literally possessed by Ahriman, or under his demonic influence, or however you want to phrase it. This influence likely began even before the game, but even if you ignore that, it is no small thing. Remember how quickly Mel became corrupted under this influence? Remember how quickly Galahad, who resisted the urge to drink blood for actual centuries, became corrupted? The fact that Dameon has any shred of goodness at all, after years of exposure to such darkness, even if you ONLY take into account the actual duration of the game, is evidence that Rhen is right; Dameon has a genuinely good, incredibly strong heart.

And speaking of that conversation. Please allow me to share some of my favorite screenshots in the entirety of the series. 

My precious sun really went from this: 

To having this very level-headed and respectful conversation, of which I have shared only two tiny snippets:

To THIS:

This. Is tangible, real difference, at a rate which makes sense, and I am so proud of him. I have seen people try to dismiss it, and his other development, by saying he is just pretending in order to make Rhen trust him. That literally. Does not make any sense. First of all, if this was part of his efforts to persuade Rhen to join Ahriman he would have done absolutely anything except agree that perhaps Talia was right. He would have tried to convince Rhen that Ahriman was right, not admitted he may have been wrong. And second, even if you ignore that incredibly obvious discrepancy, he either would have forgotten about the conversation with Rhen by the time they returned to the sun shrine and his mother asked him the question again, or he would have pretended to have forgiven her completely. Instead, he acts as though he is uncertain, because he is uncertain. 

And his actions in the dream realm, confronting and fighting Agas for attacking his mother and desecrating her shrine, prove that he is sincere. Of course it takes him some time. Of course he hesitates. Forgiving someone for taking your parent from you is an enormous act. Forgiving someone you trusted for causing you that much pain is unfathomable. His progress is profound and inspiring and does not deserve to be treated like any less.

And he makes this progress while still under Ahriman’s influence! Can you even imagine! Aasgakadgjlkjklj. He tries to do what he believes is right even at the cost of those things most precious to him, his beliefs and ideals and the sacred memory of the person who raised him. ONE conversation prompts him to question everything. While Ahriman still has possession of him. I cannot even begin to comprehend being that brave. And this is just one small example.

I have seen many negative, unfair evaluations of the fairy dust scene. It is deeply tragic to me that such an important, eloquent, beautiful symbol could be so widely misunderstood. I have tried to explain it before. Allow me to indulge myself once again. 

Fairy dust always reveals the truth. This effect is well established, not just in Rhen’s Quest but even in Ahriman’s Prophecy. It heals physical wounds (aka HP) and reveals the truth, and that’s all. There is never any indication that it can change hearts or magically “goodify” anyone or anything. It is not a deus ex machina. It was included specifically to exclude the possibility of that interpretation. It only reveals the truth, and if Dameon had already been aware of the truth, or if he truly honestly wanted the same things Ahriman wanted, it would have changed exactly nothing.  That’s why Rhen’s choice to use it is so significant. It shows that she trusts him, as he is. She knows that he has a good heart and will do what is right when he knows what that is; she has been saying so for the whole game. In the final battle she gets the chance to prove she believes that.

And she does. 

And she’s right

When the truth is revealed to Dameon, he follows it, at the cost of his chance for justice, at the cost of living forever, safely, with the one person who has ever shown him any significant amount of affection, at the cost of everything he ever dared to want in his short, lonely, miserable life. While still under Ahriman’s demonic influence! Ahriman is still in his head! And he chooses to resist even though it means he will lose everything. 

Now, this whole plot could have worked without the fairy dust. Previous cutscenes in the game have already proven that Dameon listens to Rhen. The screenshots I included are just a few examples of this; trust me, I could go on for a while. Dameon believes her and believes in her and trusts her, where he doesn’t trust himself. Amanda could have had Rhen just tell him what to do. Rhen could have had another conversation, told Dameon to switch back, and that would be that. It would be consistent and believable with what had happened in the game thus far.

Except then Dameon still wouldn’t trust himself, or like himself. He would still be lonely and self-loathing and miserable, or even if he wasn’t, there would be plenty of room for that interpretation. 

But instead Rhen gives him a choice. Instead Amanda makes it clear that his redemption is not Rhen’s responsibility, or her decision, or her doing at all. All Rhen does is throw the fairy dust, and then lets Dameon realize what is right, and choose for himself what action he will take. She gives him the opportunity to trust himself, to believe in himself, for perhaps the first time in his life. She makes it clear that she believes in him. She gives him the support he’s been starving for his entire existence, and then she steps back, and let’s him choose.

This part is so significant for her arc, too. I have ranted about it elsewhere but allow me to sum up: Rhen has spent the game feeling like she doesn’t have a choice, and questioning her own judgement and her own significance. Dameon is the first to give her a choice, one which she seriously considers. She realizes she’s always had a choice. And she finally acts on her own judgement, without prompting from anyone else (in fact, without prompting even from the player, because as you might recall the choice the player is offered has always been “fight Dameon,” and yet Rhen never lifts a finger against him). She trusts her own heart and invites Dameon to trust his. She has always been a hero but this is the moment she really steps fully into the role. She saves herself. And then she gives Dameon the choice to do the same. 

And they fight Ahriman, at staggering personal costs. Dameon fights while, again, still under Ahriman’s influence. He has to fight Ahriman physically and mentally, or spiritually, or all of them, most likely. He is not free until Rhen plunges the Sword of Shadows through Ahriman’s heart.

This part. I cry every time and I am crying thinking about it. Dameon has been a prisoner for likely as long as he can remember. His father supported Ahriman. He likely let that influence into the sun shrine. He let it affect Dameon. Dameon has likely never known a life without that darkness. Or if he did, he was too young to remember it. And now, finally, he is free. There is light for the first time. And because Rhen gave him a choice, he has the confidence and experience to stay free, to make himself and be proud of himself and not be just what he thought his parents wanted. 

His gratitude to Rhen is profound. He has always been respectful and supportive of her, he has always listened to her and trusted her, as demonstrated during their first conversation when she meets him in Aveyond, and their conversations in the manor in Sedona, and every other tiny interaction they have. He looks up to her immensely.

And I think that is part of why he is so resolute about continuing in his role as the Druid of Light. Rhen has spent the game shouldering responsibilities that no one else could or would. Being the Guardian of the Sun is his responsibility, and he is determined to follow her example. 

It is also the only thing he has ever known.

In the midst of his own uncertainty, still reeling from his own losses, resigned to a lonely eternity in his childhood prison, he still offers Rhen his support and devotion. This is before she ever makes her choice. He listens to her, sympathizes with her, and encourages her. He loves her, explicitly, out loud in canon dialogue, in literally. Every ending. No matter what she chooses. Nobody ever taught him how to love and yet he does it so scrupulously. 

And in the canon ending, the True Ending as many of us like to call it, he finally, finally gets a chance to grow beyond his family’s legacy. To love someone and be there for her. To be adored by her. To be happy. To make a difference. To live a good life and die of old age and be buried beside his best friend and true love, and to face the shadowy unknowns of the afterlife together.  And he accepts it, in an instant. 

This is redemption not only for himself but for Talia, and Nino. All the Maurvas with their good intentions, who never got to see their happy ending because another call was too strong. Talia gets a second chance to watch her son grow, this time in a kinder world. And she gets a second chance with one of her dearest friends. Nino’s legacy of absence and broken trust is finally set right. They all get a second chance to become who they intended to be, before they heard the calls they could not ignore. All because Dameon chose truth and love over every other voice, at every cost. 

It was a very fairy-like thing to do. In overcoming his families’ legacy, he steps into their true heritage. Aian Fairies value truth and love most of all. 

There is an inscription on the statue that guards the fairies in AP.  It has always resonated with me and I think it will help describe what I mean here:

Heart of gold thy secret guards

Love, felicity, light

Gaia’s precious children

I am moved. I do not know a better way to say it. Dameon Maurva inspires me, and comforts me. His example has made me a better person. He has made me a happier person. I am so grateful to Amanda for being brave enough to tell the story she did, and being brave enough to stick by it. Her story changed my life and I honestly, truly do not believe I would be here without it. Her story saved my life, and I can never praise it enough.

Now please enjoy this Dameon fanart I’ve made over the years

original caption: “So day 4 of the challenge by Queen-of-Ice101  is favorite character. 
I actually had a really, really hard time choosing a favorite character. I love alll of them. But then I realized I have never drawn just Dameon by himself, and also, how could I pass up this opportunity to explain to the world why I love him so much? So here we go. 

Dameon lost a lot. He lost his father, who he clearly looked up to and loved, and he lost his relationship with his mother, who he had trusted and respected. That’s not a small thing and I think his anger is understandable, and even a necessary part of processing what he went through. His example of emotional honesty helped me to get through my own losses.
I also think Dameon is incredibly brave. Loss like that is not an easy thing to face or to try to work through, especially when it means perhaps you will find that you have been in the wrong, but he does face it and try to work through it, without even an apology from his mother, with only a little encouragement from Rhen. 

Also, before the final battle, when those feelings of hurt and anger are still very strong, when Rhen throws the fairy dust at him and shows him that he really has been wrong, he has to choose between those feelings of anger and hurt, which have been the only guide he had for a long time, and between the truth, which is still unfamiliar and strange to him. (Side note in case anyone doesn’t remember, all fairy dust does is reveal the truth, no weird magical mind-control stuff, guys, I promise. See dream guardian fairies in AP, and cave fairies, time temple fairy, and Rhen in Aveyond.) And still Dameon chooses to put aside those feelings and do as the truth requires. Even though that means losing everything he has worked for– revenge which he thinks will bring peace, and a secure place in the world, and life forever with Rhen, who he loves and trusts and I think needs at this point. Can you imagine making that choice? Either you can have everything you ever wanted doing what apparently is the wrong thing, or you can lose everything for the sake of what you have just learned is right.

I think choosing the truth when he knew it was incredibly courageous and showed that despite everything, he had a good and gentle heart (like Rhen has been saying this whole time, eh?). And if Dameon can be good and gentle, I think there’s some hope for the rest of us.”
original caption: “Yes, hello, if anyone was wondering I STILL CAN’T DRAW, but prompt 20 was breakable. I drew Dameon because one of the themes of his character is how fragile life and happiness can be. He knows how easily these things can be broken and spends a good portion of the game trying to protect them at any cost. I want to note that I don’t think this theme is ultimately tragic though; I think Dameon has a remarkable capacity for forgiveness and healing and he helped me believe that things that break don’t have to stay that way. So if anyone out there relates to the first part, don’t lose hope. There is a way to fix it, or at least grow in it. You can always heal ♥

There is a cat because cats fix everything, and also because Dameon is definitely a cat person and he was definitely friends with all of the binis. This bini is Morsel. Because for whatever reason I headcanon Morsel is the cuddliest. Have I thought about this too much? Yes. Yes I have.”
original caption: “I was frustrated with my own ineptitude in armor and robes so I decided to practice from multiple angles and obviously I decided to use Rhen and Dameon as my models.”
original caption: “Prompt for day 3 is bait. I. Have a lot of feelings and opinions.

First and most obvious, I guess, is that Ahriman used Dameon as bait for Rhen. Less obvious is that the Oracle used him– to bait Ahriman, or Rhen, or who knows, she doesn’t explain but since she could tell that Rhen was the chosen one from 1 apparition meeting, she had to have some inkling that Dameon was too from literally living under the same roof, so she clearly had something sneaky going on to not have acted on that information. Then we come in to more headcanon-y stuff: if Mr. Maurva was anything like Talia says he was, it’s easy to see him using Dameon against her in arguments, especially since he would have had a closer relationship with their son than Talia, since Talia could only see him when he visited the Dreamworld (and he could only visit if his father brought him. So.). Building on that, it’s easy to see Talia doing the same sort of thing back out of desperation. And Dameon would always be stuck between, used as a weapon or a goad or a lure instead being allowed to be a child. Which makes me sad:c

Some of the hands are based on one of the above ideas and some are just there because I like to make myself heartbroken. The most important conceptually are his father’s hand clenched over his heart, Talia’s hand not quite reaching him, and Ahriman’s hand on its way to cover his eyes.

Idk why I hate myself.

Rhen please come rescue your boo we are both distressed”
original caption: “Fun fact: Dameon Maurva gives the best hugs in Aia<3

Made this for a cute and kind person who deserves a hug right now. Hopefully you know who you are:)”

aveyond · rhen's quest · Uncategorized

Things I remember when I replay Rhen’s Quest

When I was 7, my hard-working, loving, kind, amazing mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I was 7; I didn’t know what that meant. I knew my parents were scared. I knew my mom suddenly had about a million doctor appointments, often even far-away doctor appointments, in the closest big city to my smaller hometown (which was only an hour and a half away, but that seemed like eternity to me). I remember everyone talking about how long other cancer patients had survived; 4 years, 5 years. Never much longer than that.

That was fewer years than I had even been alive. I should’ve been scared, but I don’t remember being scared. I remember thinking my mom would beat all the records; of course she would. That’s just the kind of person she was. She had raised my older brother as a single parent for 10 years before my father came along. There were plenty of men she could have married before that, just to make things a little easier, just to have some extra income, or a tax break. I could tell plenty of stories. But my mother wasn’t like that; she would never settle. She would never put up with arrogance, or mediocrity, or anything other than kindness. She would only take love. And I know there will be some who think that is silly and romantic, but I’m not talking about attraction. She knew that love is a choice, love is something you build together, love is kindness, friendship, compassion, patience, support, growing together into more than you could be alone. She wanted the best for herself and her son and she worked to get the best on her own merit, and didn’t marry until she found someone who wanted the same thing, someone who loved her and her child.

And then I came along. And she taught me how to work hard and how to love, for 7 years. And there were plenty of younger siblings, too, who gave me plenty of practice. She taught me how to believe in myself. I’m still not as good at it as she was. I didn’t have very long with her. But everything I know about anything, every shred of self-esteem I have, I can trace back to her. She was my hero. She was my whole world. I wanted to be just like her.

When she got her long, beautiful hair cut in preparation for chemotherapy, I got my hair cut too, exactly like hers. It sounds cliché. I didn’t know what clichés were. I was 7. I just wanted to be like her, and be with her. I wanted her to know I loved her and she taught me that love means you’re there for each other in the hard times. It means making sacrifices to support each other. I didn’t have a lot. I couldn’t do a lot. My hair was the biggest sacrifice I could make.

I gave it without blinking. I didn’t think twice. Everything was going to be worth it. She was going to survive. She was going to beat cancer. Of course she was.

When she got sick, she didn’t have as much energy as she had before. She couldn’t do all the things she was used to; build a fishpond, take care of horses, keep a garden, build a house. There were a lot of things she did before and a lot of things she still wanted to do, but she just couldn’t yet. It would all have to wait until she was done with chemotherapy.

She started playing computer games to pass the time, and to have a way to play with her children. She would read all the text and explain the stories to us and we would crowd around her and watch, and listen. Sometimes we would take turns with the keyboard, but it didn’t really matter if we got a turn or not. This was our time with her. It was a treasure.

A few years passed; I could easily do the math and give a close estimate of how many, but I never have. I don’t want to. Leave it at a few, let it be vague like a fairy tale. The time exists on a separate plane for me. It can’t be measured in years. It was time with my mother.

I remember particularly the day we found Ahriman’s Prophecy. A lot of the games my mother played were hour-long trials; she only bought the games if we really liked them. But Ahriman’s Prophecy was free. We spent hours watching her play. We loved the atmosphere. The music was charming. Elden felt like home in a way I’ve never quite been able to define. Maybe it was Grandmama’s garden. Maybe it was just the company I was in when the world was introduced to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever know.

Thais felt like the start of an adventure. It just has this feel of a life on the cusp of happening, opportunity knocking, greatness within waiting to be found. Especially in AP.

And the characters! We loved the characters. I think Talia reminded me of my mother. Maybe my sisters. Or maybe she reminded me of myself. It’s hard to sort out, I just knew I loved her. She was a girl who had been through a lot, who had a lot left to go through still. And she was the hero. She was going to save the world, whether it was her job or not.

We loved how noble Devin was; never because he thought he was going to get anything out of it, but because he wanted to help people. He wanted to make a difference. He had an epic quality to him. All of the characters did. They were going to beat Ahriman against all odds and we were going to beat cancer– and I shouldn’t say it like it was such a clear parallel in my mind, I was young, I didn’t know what I thought. I just remember I was inspired. My belief in them was all mixed up in my belief in us and I can’t separate it. All of it is the same thing now.

We loved Jack. My mother always had a soft spot for the young and troubled. I always related to the young and troubled. I don’t know which came first. I just remember feeling so proud and hopeful when Jack told Vel he was trying to reform in one playthrough, and so devastated when he left the party in another. And then the triumph and hope when he was found in Thais again, and allowed to join the party again, this time at level 99– and I know it was a bug, but I’m so glad it was allowed to stay because to me that said you can always try again and sometimes you can come back stronger from tragedy and I needed that. I still need that.

We loved Frederick. Again, the metaphors were not clear in my mind, I didn’t consciously draw the parallels, but we were stuck in a tiny house because my mother couldn’t go very far and she just wanted to go and do and learn, and he was stuck in a tiny secret village and he wanted to be something besides a chicken. And he loved his brother and wanted to bring him home safely, and my brother 10 years my senior had left home recently enough and we wanted him to come back too.

We loved Alicia. How could anyone not love Alicia? She is fierce and determined and she might not be the best but she’s resolved to be her best at any cost– and she’s gonna prove it to everyone. She does everything in her own time but she always comes through for those who need her.

I could go on, but the point is, we loved Ahriman’s Prophecy. I even remember pretending to be the characters with my siblings; I was Jack and sometimes Talia or Devin. We were very invested in the story and the success and happiness of the characters. So when it turned out Ahriman wasn’t defeated, we had to see what happened next.

My mom bought Aveyond 1.

And there was our beloved Talia again, with her glorious red hair, running from a mysterious monster. I’m talking about Agas, of course. He tried to kill our hero, but she didn’t die. Heroes never die, you see.

And then there was that beautiful music, while the portal butterfly flies across the sea– and then we met Rhen.

I will never forget that moment. I loved her at first sight. She had purple hair. Purple was and is my favorite color, and there were never characters with purple. And she was so happy, and practical but whimsical, and she had so many questions and she wasn’t afraid to look for answers, and in the title art she had a really cool sword, and I wanted to be just like her.

We met Tailor and at first we thought he was Jack, and Ma must be Alicia in disguise– that’s how my favorite AP crackship was born. Now you know. Not really an epic origin story, but it came from time with my mom. It means a lot to me.

Then a lot of things happened. Rhen was separated from Talia, and from not-Jack and not-Alicia, and she ended up in a horrible place.

My mother had never been the type to put up with being mistreated or disrespected. She was not the sort to teach her daughters that boys who tried to hurt or intimidate us were “just flirting,” or that love meant sticking with someone despite bad behavior. We knew to love ourselves first. We knew to accept nothing less than respect. So to see Rhen, already living out my worst fear (being separated from her mother) and then being treated like that… it was very sad for me. I worried about her. I still get a sick feeling in my stomach when I remember it.

Rhen had a few friends, though. The tailor Terlin, who encouraged her to respect herself, and the little boy Eddie, who still had hope despite everything.

When Rhen defended Eddie, at the risk of her own life, against her own tormentor– I was blown away. I already adored and idolized her but this was the moment I realized I always would– and that’s been true to this day. This is the moment that establishes Rhen as a true hero to me. I grew up hearing stories from aunts and uncles and family friends of my mom defending them from teachers or peers or anyone who tried to put them down– I said before, she didn’t put up with disrespect, no matter who it was coming from. She had a soft spot for the young and troubled. She always stood up for the innocent and helpless, and here was Rhen doing the same.

If you’ve read In Pieces and you’re reading this, now you see how transparent I am. I didn’t even make a metaphor of anything. I just wrote how I felt.

The schooling part was never that interesting to me. I don’t like school and the only remotely appealing character was Lorad. The next thing I really remember was finding Devin. We didn’t realize it was Devin at first; his hair was darker. And he was so sad and hopeless. I remember the mood around the computer being somber at this part. It was the first hint of the tragedy between-games that I consciously internalized. And see, things like this are why I recommend playing AP first. If you don’t know Thais, if you haven’t already felt the life in its atmosphere, the opportunity, the glorious adventure waiting to happen, and if you don’t know how noble and ardent and ambitious Devin was before, you will miss out on how shocking and sad this moment was.

Not that I want anyone to be sad. But for me, it added layers of meaning to the story that I would need later.

Now, you might’ve noticed I’ve been skipping over some important parts: the cutscenes with Dameon. I mentioned I relate to the young and troubled characters, and my mother always had a soft spot for them. But we didn’t know Dameon yet. We just knew he was angry.

I remember the first time my mom walked Rhen into the Sun Temple after getting the rowboat, and the flutter of surprise and anxiety when we saw Dameon standing front and center. We thought we were going to have to fight Dameon. I remember my mom replenishing all the hp and mp, and saving the game, and taking a deep breath– I still remember the sound. I guess it’s random but for whatever reason that particular inhale is forever locked in my mind. And she walked Rhen up to him, and pressed spacebar.

And Rhen said hello.

And I fell in love again.

Maybe I had some sort of presentiment that we would share a lot in the future, even then in the midst of my denial. Maybe he reminded me of my older brother, or maybe it was just my propensity towards the young and troubled at work again. Maybe I was just crazy. But if my idol Rhen believed in Dameon, then I was going to believe in him, too.

And of course my mother had a soft spot for him.

Rhen’s Quest is a long game, and if you’re here then I imagine you’ve already played it, and I still have a lot to talk about after I talk about this playthrough, so I’ll leave it at I loved Rhen to the end, and when we got the choice to join or fight Dameon it was devastating, and when Rhen refused to fight him and instead saved him it filled me with so much hope– and Ahriman was finally defeated, and the world was right again and Rhen could rebuild Thais and make everything full of hope and adventure again, and it was going to be okay. We were going to be okay.

We were not okay. My mom passed away not long after finishing the game.

She had been going that way for a while, but I didn’t comprehend it. She was less and less able to move. There were more and more appointments– and then none. The doctors refused to do anymore. They sent her to a nursing home and she died the first night there.

I wasn’t a fully formed person. I didn’t know how to deal with that kind of loss. Does anyone? It is one thing to lose a parent when you are old. I am not saying I’m prepared for it, I’m not saying it will be easy. But I was a child. My mother was my entire world, my teacher, my guide, my home, my hero. Heroes aren’t supposed to die.

But cancer doesn’t care.

I remember being devastated. And angry. And I remember not knowing how I felt or how I was supposed to feel. I remember wishing it had been me instead. I remember feeling alone and lost, like nobody could understand me and I couldn’t understand me. It sounds like a bad line in a YA novel but it was real for me. Some days it still is.

I also remember that Aveyond was there for me. Specifically, Dameon was there. Dameon knew what it was like. He was acquainted with grief. He knew how it twisted itself into rage. He knew the pain of betrayal– why couldn’t the doctors keep trying, just a little longer? Why wasn’t the ambulance faster? Why did cancer ever have to exist in the first place? Why couldn’t Talia just stun her husband, imprison him, anythinganything but this. There had to be another answer. We were desperate to find that answer.

And we were both too late. We had to learn to live in this stupid merciless world or burn ourselves to ashes. And we didn’t know where or how to begin the first, so you see where this was heading.

But Rhen saved us. Over and over again. We were wretched messes, destined to collapse in on ourselves and take the world with us. We were justice. We were wrath. We were lost children, and Rhen found us and told us to open our eyes.

She believed in Dameon, and that meant she believed in me. She helped me remember how to do what my mother had taught me– believe in myself.

Fairy dust doesn’t take the pain away. It can’t sooth frightened or angry or anguished hearts. It doesn’t change facts or feelings. It can only reveal the truth.

The truth was, we were in darkness, but we were not the dark. Rhen and Dameon helped me believe that there is still good in me, no matter how low I am feeling. There is still hope, no matter how terrible things get. Life is hard but it can also be beautiful– even now. I am salvageable. I am worth it. The end that seems to define my life does not have to be my end.

The end of the game does not have to be the end of the story, because Rhen can choose to face her own fears, to trust her own heart instead of doing what seems practical or easy, she can choose to believe she is enough and she is worth it and sometimes new life grows from destruction, if someone is brave enough to reach out and give it a chance. Our happiest times can lie beyond our worst devastations. And I needed to know that.

I’m not sure why I wrote this. It’s not like anyone will see it, because I’m only publishing it here. I don’t think I want anyone to see it. Most won’t understand. I don’t blame them– how could anyone comprehend this grief without living it? They couldn’t. That’s not how grief works.

But I wanted to say this anyway. Maybe I need to. I rarely talk about this with anyone. I’m good at listening when other people need to talk about their feelings but I’m not good at doing the talking. That takes courage which I don’t always have.

That’s another thing– Dameon showed me how to be honest with my emotions, and also how to be gentle with them. He never yells, never rages or calls names. He just states clearly what he is feeling. I needed that example. I still need it. I bury everything and it rots inside me. But Dameon tries to be forthright, despite the fear I know he must feel because I’ve been there, I’m there, it’s not easy to talk about these things. But he does, and his courage makes me brave, and we can both get those things out in the sun and let them wither or grow if they need to. And we can move on, however long it takes.

Dameon was my guide. Rhen was my hero. Aveyond saved my life. These characters could reach me when no one else could, this story cut through my grief at the death of my mother and reminded me of what she stood for in life. And yeah, I still have a long way to go. Of course I do. But I know where to start now. I am brave enough to start. I can believe in happiness ahead, even after everything.

I guess that’s part of why stories are so important to me. You could save someone. You could save someone like me. You could save someone like you. Let us be gentle with each other. Let’s remember where we started, and believe in where we could go.

Let’s save the world.

aveyond · rhen's quest

Rhen Pendragon Appreciation Post!

Rhen is the best honestly. It meant so much to me as a kid to see such a heroic character who was female and who was also allowed to be feminine. Sure, characters like Alicia and Mel have their place, and I’m grateful for them too, but it was so inspiring to me to see a female hero who was also just a girl. Sometimes it feels like in stories females have to give up their femininity to be important. Often they outright reject it (like Alicia and Mel tend to), and as I said, sometimes this speaks to people, sometimes it’s good to know you don’t have to be feminine, but what about the people who are anyway? The people who cry at all the sappy parts of movies and squeak a little when they see something cute? Isn’t that okay too? Don’t we all do that sometimes? Aren’t the stereotypically feminine parts of ourselves also important and valuable? I think so, and in a lot of ways it was Rhen who helped me learn this. Rhen helped me like myself. Rhen helped me learn that it can be brave to be compassionate. Rhen slays demons and she also chases butterflies and gushes over cats and she wants to get married to someone who loves her and is kind to her and I don’t think that makes her less heroic, I think it makes her an inspiration. She showed me that it can be wonderful to just be myself. And sometimes that means standing up for justice, and sometimes that means getting emotional over a cute dog, and both are good, and I’m just really grateful to have this wonderful well-developed beautiful character called Rhen who helped me realize that ❤ So here are some of the art I’ve made of my fave:

#17 Aveyond 31 Day Fandom Challenge by Mu11berry

This was originally done for day 17 of the 31 day Aveyond fandom challenge, which is favorite game. Here’s the caption I wrote for it:

“For me [Aveyond 1] was the most beautiful, meaningful story. I love that Rhen gets to be the hero, no tricks, no twists, just pure heroism like you would expect to read about in a book about knights and chivalry and ridiculous idealism, and Rhen gets that role and she gets to be feminine at the same time and her example has been so, so important to me. I love the duality of justice and mercy woven through the narrative. Rhen always defends justice, Dameon always advocates for mercy, for his father, and that silly ogre. And in the end Rhen chooses mercy, and she saves Dameon, and Dameon chooses justice and fights Ahriman. It’s also a really powerful story about grief, and how to live in it, and how to come at last to joy. And the truth is twined so beautifully through the whole thing (I will seriously never be able to stop geeking out that it was set up ALL THE WAY BACK IN AP guys, just wow. the poetry), and the truth is so important because what can justice or mercy be without it? How can you understand sorrow without it? And it’s just the most wonderful story, and I just love watching Rhen grow from a girl to a queen, and seeing her overcome her hesitance and fear– because who isn’t afraid to be important and powerful? I think the world will always need heroes like her. always will.”

So uh as you can tell I really really love Rhen a lot. Next pic(s)!

Rhen doodles - Aveyond 1 by Mu11berry

Rhen 3 by Mu11berry

I like to doodle Rhen when I’m supposed to be taking notes so here is a collection of a few of my favorites. I especially love to draw Rhen in flower crowns because she is the Queen and the flowers know it. Also the last one by itself is the face she makes the first time Dameon kisses her cheek probably<3

Stretch - Aveyond Inktober by Mu11berry

This one was drawn for Inktober. It was for prompt 26 last year (2018), which was stretch. Caption: 

“I could go on a long rant about how I chose to draw Rhen Darzon Pendragon for this day because of how she stretches and grows and becomes in her arc, and how she’s inspired me to also stretch and grow, and all of those things would be true and I love Rhen for them, but there is also a much shorter explanation for why I picked her, and that is:

I just really heckin love drawing her XD She’s my queen ♥

So here she is doing her morning stretches so she can kick the bad guys’ butts and also show off her muscles to Dameon

(I have yawned while looking at this so many times, it’s ridiculous)”

Slice - Aveyond Inktober by Mu11berry

Another Inktober 2018 piece! This prompt was slice. Caption:

“Obviously I could not pass up the opportunity to draw Rhen. I love her ferocity. I love that it’s a part of her she’s allowed to embrace and use for good, something that’s allowed to exist with and work alongside her gentleness, like when she defends Eddy and helps Morsel and saves Tiny and saves Dameon and if I listed all the examples we’d be here forever, the point is it means a lot to me that she doesn’t have to deny either part of her. They don’t have to be opposite. She can be at peace with both her softness and her violence. They’re both her, they can both be used in accomplishing her goals, she can grow into both of them gracefully and beautifully and perfectly, and that is inspiring to me. So here is my queen, Rhen the Great, deadly and beautiful through everything lilac heart bulletlilac heart bullet “

Yellow - Aveyond Rhen's Quest by Mu11berry

And here is one I drew because yellow is Rhen’s favorite color and I had to draw her in a yellow dress for my life! Caption:

“Rhen’s favorite color is bright yellow and I had to draw her in a yellow dress Custom heart [Golden Yellow] Custom heart [Golden Yellow] 

This is sometime after the canon ending, during some spring festival wherein Rhen is the life of the party. I really love picturing Thais coming back to life and flourishing and having flowers everywhere and even more I love imagining Rhen getting to see that and know it’s because of her Happy 

Also Dameon made the flower crown 

Also also this is one of the first things I sketched on my tablet but the flowers took me a million years to finish, hahaha”

I’ve drawn Rhen a lot more times but these are my favorites of just her that I’ve done, and it’s not like I make my art hard to find so you can check out my deviantart or instagram if you want to see more, haha. I’m Mu11berry on deviantart and aveyond_obsessed on instagram! (Actually I’m obsessed with Aveyond everywhere but if you need a username there you go XD)

Oh also the featured image is an aesthetic I made for Rhen:)

 

aveyond · rhen's quest

My first (posted) RhenxDameon art

Rhen Pendragon kisses a surprised Dameon Maurva on the cheek. He isn’t used to physical affection but I think it will grow on him>.>

The very first drawing of Rhen Pendragon and Dameon Maurva that I was brave enough to post online! It looks very amateur and silly now, but I’m still proud of it because it took a lot of courage for me to share. Not just because it was among the first pieces of art I shared with the world, but also the fandom can be cruel sometimes and it can be really discouraging.

Luckily, my way was paved by a few brave artists before me. In 2015, Meroko aka Kurotsukikurosuki posted what I believe is the first RhenxDameon fanart that was shared online. It’s one of my favorite pieces to ever exist, and it represents a lot of courage and integrity as well as a huge amount of grace; no matter how ridiculed she or her art were, Meroko always responded kindly. I wish I could be half as tactful– but we’re all still growing, right?

And the art itself is gorgeous, warm and soft and it gives off a very intimate lovely vibe, you can feel how much Rhen and Dameon care for each other looking at it. Here’s a link: http://fav.me/d8khgl1

And in 2016, ame-saku of tumblr shared this: http://ame-saku.tumblr.com/image/139544118289

It’s tragic and melancholy and some might say almost dark but honestly, there is nothing dark about Rhen or Dameon, only a great capacity for sadness, and I think this piece shows that. They’ve both lost everything at this point. There’s no going back. There’s nothing but each other and their love, and they’re both so young and really almost naive when it comes to love, but it’s all they’ve got and they’ll hold onto it even if they lose their souls– which in this ending, they do, eventually. It’s chilling. It’s the most tragic story I’ve ever heard.

But I think that’s part of what makes the true ending so happy and beautiful. We get to see what they could have been, we know what their forms would have been if they gave in to the dark. But they didn’t. They don’t. A great capacity for sadness is also a great capacity for happiness. They believe in the light and when they can’t believe in that, they believe in each other, and themselves. And then they save the world. And they save themselves.

And they see the light again. And they’re given the choice to grow in it, to claim happiness even in the face of their fears. It’s the most beautiful story I’ve ever heard. Honestly, it might be the most beautiful story it’s even possible to tell, without going into real life. I’m so grateful to Amanda and the creators of Aveyond for being brave enough to tell it, and stand by it. I’m so grateful I got to know it.

When I’m sad, or stressed, or scared, I think of Rhen. I think of how brave and good she is and how she chose growth even when it was hard, and how she chose happiness because– she didn’t need a reason, she chose it, and it came to her. And I think of Dameon, and how he was always there for Rhen during the darkest parts of her story, like she was there for him, and how he is gentle and kind and full of integrity, how when it came down to it he chose the truth, at the cost of everything. How he chose love at the cost of everything, and found growth and happiness in the places emptiness used to dwell.

I think of these things, and I feel calm, and like maybe I can find happiness too, even if it’s hard. I remember that there are good people in the world, even if sometimes they are confused or frightened. I believe that love is real again. Rhen’s Quest gives me the courage to be a better, happier person, and that’s one of the most beautiful and important things a story can do. I’m forever grateful for it, and for Rhen, and for Dameon, and for RhenxDameon<3

aveyond · rhen's quest · Uncategorized

New Quest

Meeting Rhen is one of my favorite parts of all the games. She’s so full of hope, and goodness, and potential. It’s easy to believe she can save the world. It’s wonderful to watch her grow into that role. It’s beautiful to see her save herself, and the things she loves ❤

“You don’t have to choose between being strong or soft. You can be both.” ~Darla Evans